Here are the main points and verses that we will be discussing this weekend (3.1), so that you can be prepared ahead of time to have meaningful conversations with your student about what they are learning. Please let us know if there is anything else that we can assist you with to help you connect and discuss this topic with your student.
The Spark (6th-8th Grade):
Dating brings up a lot of questions in the minds of students. When can I start? Who should I go out with? What am I supposed to do? Why even date in the first place? Does God say anything about dating?
All of these are good questions to ask, but unfortunately the Bible says absolutely nothing about dating. Dating wasn't around in Biblical times so instead of trying to cram verses about marriage to fit into dating, we will take a look at the whole picture of God's view on love, relationships and gender to determine what the appropriate move on dating should be. But know that anything you ever hear about the "Bible's position on dating," is an opinion. (Even if Joshua Harris says otherwise.)
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
Proverbs 4:23
Most people date to see what they can GET out of it.
Often when we first start to think about the idea of dating, our focus is on all the wrong things. We try to change who we are in order to fit into who we think the person we like, thinks they want. We dumb ourselves down, or change what we think or what we like in order to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, rather that remain faithful to who God made us to be and waiting for someone to like us for who we are. The pressure to date early on, is mostly to fulfill social pressure or sexual urges, both of which can lead to trouble, whereas dating with an end in mind, the goal of preparing for a healthy marriage, can lead to fun, fulfilling and God-honoring relationships.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for to harm you or keep things from you, but to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.’”
Jeremiah 29:11-13
God wants the BEST for me and my FUTURE.
Dating can be a great experience that helps us become more selfless, learn to get along with people of the opposite sex, and help us discover what qualities we are looking for in a person to marry. However, statistics show that the earlier that you start dating the more likely you are to cross a boundary and sacrifice your purity. So, sometimes the best choice we can make to ensure our purity is to wait to date exclusively, until we are old enough to know what it means to really be in a relationship that has a goal of preparing for marriage.
Big Idea:
The goal of DATING is to learn who you ARE and who you want to BE WITH.
4ORTY 2WO (9th-12 Grade)
Week 1: Stop Looking for the Perfect Person.
We were designed with a desire for intimacy. That is a God-given desire. That desire for a deep connection with another person was invented by God (not the sappy love songs we listen to, or the movies we watch, or the author of Twilight)
Why is our experience of this in real life, often so different than what we see in the movies?
If we really knew what we were getting into with our dating, we probably wouldn’t…
- Sexual Mistakes, Confusion, Self-Doubt, Insecurity, Hurt, Getting Cheated-On, Rumors, etc.
If we were really HONEST the way most people date is practice for DIVORCE, instead of preparation for MARRIAGE.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for to harm you or keep things from you, but to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.’”
Jeremiah 29:11-13
We look at what we can get out of dating: as soon as someone cuter or smarter comes along… someone with less emotional baggage, or someone who is more popular, someone who can give us something that someone else couldn’t. Nobody ever actually says this out loud though…
In DATING we usually look for what we can GET out of it.
What’s worse is that most often we might even pretend we are something to someone because we think that’s what they want to get out of it, or we’ll dumb down part of who we are because it might intimidate the other person… We are afraid of being “too much” and at the same time “not enough.”
“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church - a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor - since they're already 'one' in marriage.”
Ephesians 5:25-27
Any healthy dating relationship should add to the good things that are already in your life: your dreams, hobbies, interests, church friends/involvement, relationship with your family, etc. However, all too often, once someone gets in a dating relationship, everything else in their lives goes on the back burner. Friendships slip, family relationships get stressed, extra-curricular activities or hobbies disintegrate and soon couples are left with only themselves, which was never God's plan. Dating relationships have the potential to consume our lives, rather that enhance them, and God doesn't want anything to consume all of our attention and focus except for Him.
We EXPECT another person to meet a need that only GOD can fill.
Often when we first start to think about the idea of dating, our focus is on all the wrong things. We try to change who we are in order to fit into who we think the person we like, thinks they want. We dumb ourselves down, or change what we think or what we like in order to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, rather that remain faithful to who God made us to be and waiting for someone to like us for who we are. Or, even more dangerously, we try to "focus on God" while secretly hoping that the other person will take notice and fall in love with us too. This does not fool God and it hurts us because our focus is not on Him, or even on healing or growing our relationship with Him, but it's looking for approval only from another person. When we put our whole life on hold, or only seek approval from one place or person, we are setting ourselves up for a serious letdown.
“Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem: Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe - and you're ready.”
Song of Songs 8:4
BIG IDEA:
Instead of trying to find the PERFECT PERSON, focus on BECOMING the person God wants you to be.
[Please let us know if there is anything else that we can assist you with to help you connect and discuss this topic with your student. Feel free to email thoughts, comments or questions to students@pointofgrace.com and we will get back to you! Until next week...]
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